5 Secrets To Being Your Teenager’s Dream Parent
Pastor Travis Hearn
“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”
Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)
You might as well face it – you aren’t the perfect parent! But you could be the parent that every teenager dreams of having. That doesn’t mean letting them do whatever they want, whenever they want - nor does it mean giving them money every time they ask for it!
In just a few short years, your teenager will be enrolling in college. That’s right – college. So how can you capitalize on these quickly passing moments and become the parent your teenager needs? Shhh! Don’t tell anyone – but I’ve got 5 secrets I’d like to share with you that just might help!
Secret #1: BE A PARENT WHO EFFECTIVELY COMMUNICATES TO YOUR TEENAGER.
Good communication simply means talking and listening. Although teens aren’t the best at expressing themselves, talking and listening will pay off. Have casual conversations with your teens. Talk about their day at school and your day at work. Asking for their opinion about things will help them realize that they’re important, and increase the likelihood of all around good communication. Oh, and you also want to be positive! Many times much of our conversation with our teenagers is about correcting, teaching, instructing, disciplining, getting a point across, or trying to change an attitude. Parents sometimes pay more attention to their teens mistakes than their successes. What happens is when the communication line is always negative and correcting – your child begins to withdraw and shut you out. You would do the same if you had a boss that consistently treated you in a negative way. So talk to your kids, listen to them, be positive and find reasons to praise and encourage your teenager.
Secret #2: BE A PARENT WHO TAKES TIME TO ENJOY YOUR TEENAGER.
You mean parents can actually enjoy their teenager? Absolutely! It seems as parents we have plenty of time to watch TV, go to the lake, play sports, work extra hours, talk to friends on the phone, and buy new toys. But how much time per day do you spend truly enjoying your teenager? I’m not talking about doing household chores while your teen sits on the couch texting their friends with an IPOD covering their ears. I’m talking about quality time – enjoying your time together. Try finding something they like to do and do it with them. It could be taking them to a movie, taking them out and letting them drive your car around in the desert, taking them hiking, or simply just sitting down with no distractions and being genuinely interested in their lives.
Secret #3: BE A PARENT WHO SETS AN EXAMPLE FOR YOUR TEENAGER.
The old saying “Do as I say and not as I do” holds absolutely no weight! They will do as you do – and probably much more. As my personal role model Billy Graham stated so well, “Children will invariably talk, eat, walk, think, respond, and act like their parents. Give them a target to shoot at. Give them a goal to work toward. Give them a pattern that they can see clearly, and you give them something that gold and silver cannot buy.” Isn’t that awesome!?
You child is no doubt watching and mimicking every move you make. Let your life be an example. Set the bar high. Live for God! Read your Bible, pray with them and in front of them, go to church, get involved at church, give, tithe, love people, be kind to everyone, be positive, be happy, and live out a great example for your teenager to watch. Your teens are going to listen to what you listen to, watch what you watch, and talk like you talk. Your standard in life will become their standard in life! Set an example for your teenager. Let your life’s Godly example set the bar for their lives and then sit back and watch the transformation begin!
Secret #4: BE A PARENT WHO TRUSTS YOUR TEENAGER.
Okay, okay – you can stop laughing now! Trust is a very big deal and just like you want to be trusted – your teenagerwants to be trusted too. Without trust, the relationship cannot be healthy – it can’t really even be a relationship. Your teenager wants to know that you believe in them, that you respect them, and that you trust them. Even if they have lost a little bit of your trust (or maybe a lot!), begin looking for ways to trust them again. There is nothing more motivating for a teenager than for them to realize that mom and dad trust them.
Secret #5: BECOME A PARENT WHO IS INVOLVED WITH YOUR TEENAGER.
Teenagers are starving for attention – your attention. That said, your teenager won’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. If you are not already, get involved with their life! Make memories with your teenager. Seize every moment that you do have – and carve out special time every day, every week, and every month to be involved with your teenager. Help them with their homework, coach their basketball team, get involved in their school, take them to work sometime with you, and take them on errands with you. Pray with your teenagers at night time, read the Bible with them and to them, and even ask them to pray and ask for their prayer requests. Research overwhelmingly demonstrates that parent involvement is positively related to a teenager’s achievement.
Well there you have it! Apply these 5 secrets and you will be on your way to being the parent every teenager dreams of! But don’t tell them that I told you – they don’t like parents to know they are human - and most of them don’t realize I’m a parent! Oh – and one last very important thing; you might want to try these secrets out for more than just one day – the results are the best if you give it a lifetime.